


Has to Stop

by astradanvers



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Kalex, Prompt Fic, Tumblr Prompt, alcoholic!Alex, established kalex, kara x alex - Freeform, married!kalex, romantic kalex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-28 00:49:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10059959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astradanvers/pseuds/astradanvers
Summary: Alex hit a rough spot a while back and fell into a place she hasn't been in a long time. Only now it's worse. Kara wants her to stop because it's not just them they have to worry about.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So I make references to the 12 steps of AA but I don't know much about the whole of AA as an establishment, having never been to a meeting myself and knowing no one in the program. Hopefully I was able to do this situation justice.

Alex stumbles into the apartment she shares with her wife, careful not to trip over the rug for the third time this week. She shuffles over the hardwood floor, boots knocking but in a way she hopes Kara will have tuned out. She's nearly to the bedroom when the lamp on one of the end tables clicks on, throwing light out in all directions. 

“Kara,” she says, eyes traveling over her wife in the chair.

The younger woman’s arms are crossed tightly over her chest, lips pressed into a thin line. She scrunches her nose as the stench of cheap alcohol reaches her. “You promised me,” she says, her voice even, “promised that you'd stop this. No more nights out Rao knows where with Rao knows who.” She looks away, “I took your word because you'd never broken a promise before.” She sighs, rises from the chair and lifts the packed bag on the floor.

“What are you doing?” Alex manages to stumble out as she finally spots the baby sling across Kara’s body.

Kara looks back at her, “Michael is downstairs, he's going to take Hadley, Harlee and I to J’onn and Eliza’s.” She stoops down, lifting the car seat at her feet as well before starting for the door.

“Kara -”

“Don’t,” Kara says firmly, “just don't.” She stops when she reaches the door, “Call me when you're sober, preferably for more than a few hours.”

Alex can only watch as her wife slips out of their apartment, their girls with her. Slowly she sinks down to her knees, hands rising to cover her face, “What have I done?” she murmurs to herself.

* * *

Eliza opens the door just as Kara steps up on the front porch, “Hi, sweetheart,” she says quietly, “let me take Hadley,” she says, reaching for the car seat on Kara’s forearm. Kara relinquishes her younger daughter by five minutes to Eliza and follows the older woman into the house, sinking into J’onn’s arms when the man appears from the living room, both of them careful of Harlee still in the sling across Kara’s chest.

He motions to the sling and the carrier, “Honey, get Hadley out of that contraption. Kara, let me take Harlee and I'll put the girls to bed in their room while you and Eliza talk.”

Kara starts to protest but J’onn shakes his head, “You called us at three in the morning, sweetie,” he says quietly, “and then brought yourself and both girls here. I think you need to talk about it. I'll take the girls and put them to bed then head to bed myself, I have to be in around six in the morning. There's a pot of coffee waiting for you and Eliza in the kitchen and Eliza is off tomorrow. I would suggest you take tomorrow too and get some rest.”

Slipping Harlee out of her sling and resting her on her shoulder, Kara hugs J’onn tightly, “Thank you.”

J’onn hugs her close, pressing a kiss to Kara’s forehead, “Nothing to thank me for,” he tells her honestly. “Now give me my grandbabies,” he tells them, taking Harlee and pressing a kiss to the sleeping baby’s forehead. He moves to Eliza, leaning down to kiss her before taking Hadley into his free arm, “Goodnight,” he says as Eliza kisses Hadley and Harlee on the cheek.

Eliza smiles after him, “Goodnight.” Watching them Kara feels her tears building and can't stop them from spilling over, “Oh, darling,” Eliza says quietly, drawing Kara into her embrace. She holds onto Kara as tightly as she can, swaying them gently, a habit she picked up when the younger woman first came to live with them, the swaying always seeming to soothe Kara. “I've got you, sweetheart,” she murmurs, “I've got you.”

When Kara finally manages to stop crying she pulls back, Eliza wiping away the younger woman’s tears with careful fingers. “She won't stop.”

“Come on,” Eliza says quietly, “let's get some coffee.” She pulls Kara with her into the kitchen and prepares them both a cup of coffee before sitting across from her daughter at the island, “What happened?” she asks quietly.

“Alex’s drinking,” Kara says quietly. “She's never really stopped, just gotten better at hiding it, even from me.” She traces a finger around the rim of her mug, “Just before Hadley and Harlee were born I found out that she was still drinking because it got worse. She gets scared and she drinks more. I made her promise me right after the girls were born that she'd start AA.” She shakes her head, “She hasn't and the drinking is only growing worse as time goes on. Tonight was just the final straw.”

“What happened?”

Kara taps her nails against the side of her mug, “I was supposed to be at a dinner for CatCo tonight, it was a big one, Cat specifically wanted me there. Alex was supposed to keep the girls because we knew you and J’onn had plans and Aunt Astra was coming with Cat. She went out after work to the Dolly Parton bar instead and I had to take the girls with me.” She looks away, “Cat offered me partner, CatCo & Danvers, and all I could think was that there was no way I could be partner in a worldwide media company, raise twin girls and continue to keep dragging Alex into bed when she comes home drunk every night.” She looks at Eliza, “I'm not giving up on her, Eliza, I never have and I absolutely never will give up on her but my girls-our girls-have to come first and this is the only way they can.”

Eliza moves around the counter, wrapping Kara up in her arms, “I know, darling, I know you won't give up on her but I know you have to do what's right for Hadley and Harlee, I know.”

Kara clings tightly to her adoptive mother, letting herself cry in a way she hasn't been allowing herself before. “I'm scared, Eliza.”

“Oh I know, sweetie, I know. But you've got J’onn and I, you've got help. Everything will be okay.”

“What if she doesn't stop?”

“We’ll help her, Kara, I promise.” Kara nods, rests her head on Eliza’s shoulder and closes her eyes, breathing deeply, “Come on, let's get you to bed.”

* * *

Alex lingers around the back of the room, hands shoved into her pockets, nerves radiating off of her. She's two minutes away from bolting when someone tapes her on the shoulder, “You must be new,” the woman she turns to says. She holds out her hand, “I’m Maggie.”

And Alex knows exactly who she is because they're friends, they dated for a little while, “Alex,” she says, hand going out. Because here they aren't who they are outside these walls, it's what she remembers from the one meeting she'd been to after her promise to Kara.

Maggie's smiles at her, “Well, Alex, we’re about to get started,” she motions to the chairs, “come on, you can sit by me.”

Nodding once Alex moves to the group of chairs, dropping into a spot beside Maggie and closes her eyes, Rao she hopes this helps.

* * *

Three days pass before Kara even thinks of returning to the apartment she shares with her wife. In those three days she's moved into a bigger office at work, spent countless hours soothing her daughters who seem to realize one of their mothers isn't there, spent a fair few hours crying, and worrying over her wife who hadn't once tried to contact her. She slips into the apartment just past six, a little afraid of what she'll find inside. Her breath catches at what she does find, the living room is trashed and the kitchen isn't much better. She shakes her head, Alex hit a bender clearly after she left with the girls. She sighs and makes her way towards her daughters’ room, intent on grabbing the clothes she needs and the few other essentials before returning to Hank and Eliza’s where Harlee and Hadley wait.

Kara’s collecting the last few things, storing them away when she hears the telltale sound of jingling keys in the lock. Releasing a slow calming breath and saying a quiet prayer to Rao that Alex won't be wasted, Kara makes her way from the room. Her wife freezes in the doorway at the sight of her and Kara knows instantly that Alex isn't drunk, she wonders for how long.

“Hi,” the older woman says weakly, hands dropping to her sides.

Kara raises an eyebrow, that is one game she will most definitely not play, shaking her head, exasperated with Alex’s antics and denial she starts forward, “Wait,” Alex says, “please?” Studying her wife Kara can see pain and heartache and the faintest trace of puffy eyes and a red nose, “I went,” Alex starts, sighs, “I went to a meeting. That's where I'm coming from.”

“Ok,” Kara says simply because one meeting won't change what she's dealt with since Jeremiah’s betrayal, won't change the fact that for the three months her daughters have been alive Alex has put them to bed sober one time.

“I know it's-it's not a lot but I'm trying. I don't,” she shakes her head, “I can't lose the three of you, Kara, you three are my world.”

“And where was your world when you were getting drunk off your ass, Alex?” Kara demands.

Alex looks ashamed, “I know I let you down-”

“Alex, letting me down isn't the problem, not completely. Our daughters have yet to see you sober more than a handful of times, you've put them to bed sober once, Rao, Alex, that night you were supposed to be watching them because I had a work thing. Could you have even managed it, could you have managed to take care of our children and not had a drop to drink?”

Alex looks away without responding.

“That's what I thought.” She pulls the strap of the bag higher on her shoulder, “You’re trying, I understand that, but you have to keep trying and going and show me that you aren't going back to that. Because until you do, until I can be sure our daughters will be safe here,” she shakes her head, “we won't be coming home.” She looks Alex over, “I won't stop you from seeing them but only if you're sober. We’ll be at J’onn and Eliza’s a few more days and then Aunt Cat has had the second floor of their penthouse turned into a spare apartment. It was supposed to be for when Adam came to visit but the girls and I are going to stay there for now.”

Alex nods, she steps away from the door, allowing Kara to pass. Reaching out she stops Kara with a gentle hand, “I love you, I love all three of you.”

Kara nods, “I know,” she says, “I love you too,” and then she leaves.

* * *

Alex makes it to step four in the twelve before she has to call Maggie to pick her up at a bar. Maggie has agreed to be her sponsor, she's still not sure why. When Maggie shows up at the bar and spots Alex she shakes her head.

“Hey, Danvers,” she says, sliding onto a barstool.

“Sawyer!” Alex enthuses, “Have a drink with me,” she says motioning the bartender over but Maggie takes her tumbler away, handing it to the man when he approaches. “Hey! Give that back!”

“Not likely,” Maggie says simply, lifting Alex to her feet, “Come on, Danvers, let's get you home. My wife is waiting up for me.”

“Mine isn't,” Alex says, leaning heavily against Maggie as the shorter woman towards the door. “She took my girls, Maggie, took them and left.”

“I know, Danvers,” Maggie says quietly, steering the other woman towards the door to the bar. “But you have to be strong, if you want them back.”

“I don't know how.”

“Yeah you do,” Maggie says, stroking Alex’s cheek now that she’s gotten her into the car. “You always know how to be strong, Alex. And you certainly know how to be strong for Kara and those babies.”

“I killed him though, Maggie, how can she trust me, how can she ever trust me?”

“Oh, Alex,” Maggie says quietly before pulling Alex into a tight hug.

* * *

The first time Alex makes it to step five it's because of Maggie. The detective has figured out approximately when Alex is gonna take a dive off the deep end and she's been there to help her through the self introspection she needs to do. Maggie does it by telling her about how she made it through step four, how her sponsor had held her hand and just let her wander through her own rambling thoughts. The other woman knows Alex doesn't need something like that though. She pulls Alex into the gym of her and Lena’s building, tosses her a pair of boxing gloves and says simply, “Alright, Danvers, work it out.”

And somehow, someway Alex does. The steady thump of her fists against the bag, the rush of her heartbeat reminding her she's alive, the adrenaline she's forced into her system, they all push her towards accepting what she's done. By the time she latches onto the bag to stop its swinging where she'd motioned Maggie away from it half an hour before her face is littered by tear tracks, she's glad Maggie talked her into a mouth guard even though she wasn't sparring she's grinding her teeth so hard and her heart, while still heavy, feels the slightest bit lighter.

The next thing she knows Maggie is holding her up, “Ssh, Danvers, it's alright, I've got you,” are the words whispered to her. And for the first time in two years she lets herself cry.

It takes long moments, drawn out sobs and Maggie’s soothing words for Alex to finally begin calming down again. The two of them are seated on the floor, the room around them empty and Alex wonders for the first time if Maggie-Lena-both paid the managers of the building to keep people out of the gym while she and Maggie are there.

Alex draws in a sharp breath as she brushes roughly at her cheeks, dashing away tears, “It was after-”

“You don't have to do this now,” Maggie says, cutting off the other woman.

“I do,” Alex says firmly, “if I don't I'll fall off again.”

Maggie nods, settles cross legged across from Alex and nods, “Let's do this.”

The over emotional woman nods once, settles into the same position as Maggie, hands gripping her knees, “After,” Alex says carefully, “after Cadmus blew up the bar, with you there, with Kara there, I lost it. I went after Lex, beat the crap out of him,” she says it offhandedly, like it means nothing but Maggie knows better, knows how much that bothers her even though they all hated Lex. “He, umm, he died from his injuries,” she looks away, “I don’t know if Lena ever told you that.” Lena hadn’t, she didn’t really talk about Lex or well who Lex was at his death, that wasn’t the Lex that Lena loved, still Maggie only shakes her head. Alex nods, “I, umm, I gave him a lot of broken bones and ended up giving him a bad enough head injury that it caused his death. You and I, we were happy then but we both knew we were holding torches for other people. You went to Lena then and I, well I fell off the bandwagon even further. When we went to the Cadmus base, I didn’t hold back, didn’t maintain my own philosophy of kill only if I have to. That being said three Cadmus agents died before I was face to face with my father again, before I was face to face with the same choice I made when he betrayed us.” She swallows hard, “Only I made a different choice this time, I shot him,” she shakes her head, “I killed him.”

“Oh, Alex,” Maggie says, reaching out for the other woman.

“Kara and I, we sought solace in each other, as we always have, except of course this time is was more, was different,” she looks away, “kept seeking solace in one another even though I was drinking and Kara was throwing herself into Supergirl and reporting.” She rubs her hands up and down her thighs, “When Kara found out she was pregnant I fell a little further off the wagon. Started drinking a little more, then Kara and I got married and then the girls were born and I was terrified and I started drinking even more. Kara made me-she made me promise that I’d stop, that I’d go to AA.” Alex shakes her head, “I tried then but I kept falling off the wagon, only went to one meeting then. Then one or two drinks a night turned to five or ten, turned to twenty, turned to tripping over the rug every time I entered the apartment, turned to only once putting my daughters to bed sober. Kara left, I started trying to straighten up,” she shakes her head, “and now here I am, sitting on the floor in the middle of a gym, crying like a kid to my ex and wanting nothing more than to go and find my wife and just hold her as tight as I can.”

Maggie doesn’t say a word, instead reaching out for her friend and pulling Alex into her arms, holding the other woman close to her. “I’ve got you, Danvers, I’m not who you want but I’m here. I’ve got you.”

* * *

The first time Alex goes to see Harlee and Hadley after Kara takes them away a month has passed, she’s finally made it past step four without having to call Maggie to come pick her up at the nearest dive bar and she’s made it to step eight, her daughters are at the top of the list of people she’s wronged. She knocks on the door to the apartment downstairs from Cat and Astra’s penthouse and waits patiently. When the door opens, she’s surprised to find herself face to face with her own mother.

“Alexandra,” Eliza says, arms crossed over her chest as she stands in the doorway, unmoving.

“Mom,” Alex says, tensing up, drawing her hands up her sides and shoving them into her back pockets. “Umm, is Kara home? Are-are the girls here?”

“Kara’s not here, no, she had a late meeting.” She tilts her head, “But your  _ daughters _ , yes, they’re here.”

“Can I-” she fumbles on the words, “can I see them?”

Eliza studies her and Alex knows her mother is trying to determine if she’s drunk, if there’s even a trace of alcohol in her system, Alex doesn’t blame her an ounce. “I was about to feed them dinner,” Eliza finally says, Alex deflates, she knows what a chore that can be. “Would you like to help?”

Alex smiles, “Of course,” she says instantly, slipping through the space her mother allows between her and the doorway. “I’d love to.”

Inside the apartment Alex takes in her surroundings, noting that a lot of the girls’ things Kara had left behind at their apartment had duplicates in the living room. She smiles when she sees her little ones on a quilt spread out on the living room floor. Moving forward she kneels down near them, “Hello, my girls,” she says quietly and the sound of her voice draws her daughters’ attention. “Oh look at the two of you,” she says, reaching out to brush the apple of each one’s cheek with her thumb, “look at how big you’ve gotten.” Carefully she lifts Harlee up before lifting Hadley into her free arm, pressing a kiss to each of their foreheads and drawing in their sweet baby scent, “I missed you, my darlings,” she says quietly.

“Alexandra,” Eliza says from the kitchen doorway, “can you bring them in here?”

“Yeah,” Alex says, voice rough with emotion, “yeah, Mom, we’re coming.”

Managing to stand with both of her daughters held against her chest Alex turns to make her way towards the kitchen, stopping at the sight of her mother watching them. Eliza takes in the sight of her daughter, “You look good, Alex,” she finally says, “better than the last time I saw you.”

Sighing Alex nods, “I’m trying, Mom, I’m working on it. Getting better.” She looks down to the two little girls in her arms, “I’m doing it for them and for Kara. Its taking time but I’m trying.”

Eliza nods, “That’s what matters, you have to keep trying.”

“I will,” Alex promises.

* * *

Alex is sitting in the rocking chair in the nursery of Kara’s apartment, the boppy pillow the two of them picked out together around her waist, Harlee in the crook of one arm and Hadley in the other, both babies close to sleep. “I wanted to talk to you,” she says quietly. “And I know,” she sniffles, “I know neither one of you understand this but it's important, okay? I was really stupid for the first few months of your life, like really stupid. I hurt your Mommy and I hurt you guys and I never, ever, meant to do that. But I'm getting better, it's taking some time but I'm working on it. No matter what though I want both of you to know that I'm always going to be there for you. I love you both and your Mommy, I love all three of you so so much.” She smiles as her daughters’ eyes slip closed and they both fall asleep to the sound of her voice, remembering the months when Kara had been pregnant with them and how the babies would settle when she talked to them at night. She wonders now if Kara realizes she'd been drinking most of those nights.

Standing she makes her way to first one crib, pressing a kiss to Harlee’s forehead and lowering her onto the lavender colored sheets, before walking over to the other crib and repeating actions with Hadley except the sheets are rose colored. When she steps out of the room she's unsurprised to find Kara leaning against the wall across from the doorway, her hands migrate to her back pockets again, “Hey.”

“Hey,” Kara says. She studies her wife, takes in the bags under her eyes and the pale pallor of her skin, “You haven't been sleeping.”

Alex shrugs, “Not really,” she shakes her head, “the bed’s too big and the apartment’s too empty.”

“Alex, I-”

“You did the right thing,” Alex says, cutting off what she’s sure would be an apology. “I was messed up, Kara,” she continues, “I’m still pretty messed up but I’m working on it. I’m seeing a shrink twice a week and going to an AA meeting once a week at least. I have a sponsor.” She smiles a little sadly, “It doesn’t, it doesn’t make up for what I’ve done, nothing can. I want you to know that I’m working on myself though, Kar, I’m trying to get better. I want to be better for you and for Harlee and Hadley.” She moves forward, leans in and presses a kiss to Kara’s cheek, “I love you,” she says quietly, “I’ll visit again soon.”

Before she can make it down the hall Kara’s hand reaches out and grasps Alex’s wrist, tugging her back gently until they’re face to face again. Reaching up Kara traces Alex’s cheek gently, brushing lightly at the tear tracks left from when Alex was talking to their daughters, tear tracks Kara’s positive her wife doesn’t even realize are there. “Come to bed,” she says quietly. “You can borrow some of my clothes.”

“Kara,” Alex says wearily.

“I’m not saying we’re golden, Alex,” Kara says quietly, “but I am saying that my bed is just as big and the apartment here is just as empty as ours without you here. I miss you, Alex, our daughters miss you. We still have a long way to go but tonight,” she nods, “tonight can be a start.” She laces their fingers together, “So please, stay, come to bed, sleep.”

Slowly Alex nods, “Okay,” she finally says, “okay.”

* * *

 

One Year Later

Alex pushes open the door to the apartment, “I’m home,” she calls softly. Before she can even close the door fully behind her a small form collides with her legs, two tiny arms wrapping around her knees and a face pressing against  her leg.

“Well, hello,” she says, closing the door fully and hanging her jacket on a hook before looking down to the small girl hiding behind her. She chuckles upon finding that her daughter is completely naked, “Hadley, have you escaped bathtime again?” she questions, lifting her daughter into her arms. Upon finding that the little girl’s skin is damp to the touch she shakes her head, “Nope, definitely escaped pajama time.”

Making her way down the hall she finds her wife in their daughters’ room, “Lose someone?” she questions while making her way over and leaning over to steal a kiss from Kara. The younger woman smiles tiredly as she snaps a final button on Harlee’s footy pajamas.

“You get to dress that hooligan,” she says, motioning to Hadley. “I’ve got to clean up the bathroom where two little supers decided to cause tidal waves.

Alex chuckles, reaching out just in time to catch Harlee as she tries to take a nosedive off of the changing table, “Okay, superbabies, time to wind down for the night.” She leans down to stand Harlee on her feet, “Go play while I dress your sister and then it’s bottle time.”

Harlee claps as if she’s understood her mother’s words and then toddles off towards the toys in the corner. “How do you get her to do that?”

The dark haired woman shrugs, “No idea. Let me get Hadley dressed and then I’ll clean the bathroom while you make bottles and we’ll put them to bed together.”

Kara smiles, leaning against Alex’s side even as the older woman begins to wrestle their more rambunctious daughter into a diaper and then into footy pajamas that match her sister’s. “We should really start dressing them in different colors at least, their teacher is starting to have problems telling them apart.”

Alex shakes her head, “I don’t understand why people don’t see that they aren’t identical.”

Chuckling Kara shakes her head, “Because they still look exactly alike even though they’re actually fraternal twins. Soon enough their features will begin to change and become more defined and everyone will be able to tell them apart.”

Hadley tosses her arms around Alex’s neck as her mother finishes snapping the last button and Kara smiles at her wife and daughter, chuckling when Harlee runs towards them, arms wrapping around Alex’s leg as she sits down on her mother’s foot. Alex blows a raspberry against Hadley’s neck, “I guess you’re right.”

Kara reaches out to tuck an unruly brownish curl behind one of Hadley’s ears, “Leave the bathroom we can clean up after we put them to bed, the three of you haven’t had your play time today.”

Smiling Alex squats down, opening her free arm and allowing Harlee to latch onto her neck so that she can stand back up with both of her daughters, “You sure?”

“Yeah,” Kara says, “go wear them out and I’ll fix bottles.”

Alex smiles, “I love you,” she says, leaning forward to kiss Kara. “Thank you for giving me another chance.”

Kara smiles, forehead pressed against Alex’s, “Thank you for changing for us.” She smiles, “And I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Married Kalex: Alex keeps drinking, Kara puts a stop to it


End file.
